So Much So

Although my heart says this is different. Although I have never felt it hit so strong. 

Although there is a feeling guiding me. 

Although I know this is it. 

Still a fear engulfs me. 

Still a worry seeps through in. 

Still a darkness unseen is hovering above

Still a voice a telling me, be careful! 

To give in to the fear 

Or to stand tall on what I feel 

This situation is feeding onto me. 

The strength to fight this fear 

And the strength to stand my ground 

Is asking my soul to be hollow 

And all the feelings to go numb. 

Will it really lead to a new beginning by the time this all ends?!

Turning One!

This year has been like a beautiful country song. And when i say that, i mean it was all-in-all melodious, laid back, happy, smiles-all-around kind of an year.

And honestly i am so grateful for it because i wasn't expecting this. But, then again, that's life. always full of surprises. and such, I love and I am just thankful because i was loosing my faith in love. And i didn't want to, because that is my only basic need for survival. And it was making me weak.

And this one year has taught me very clearly that love is all around. you cannot have it if you try to create it . it just needs to be felt, shared and nurtured. That you cannot rush the things you want to last forever. That everyday becomes a celebration and very sacrifice an opportunity to let your love grow deeper.

The celebration is not because it was hard to get here and that we finally made it. Instead, it is about how effortlessly, smoothly and in all happiness we have arrived here. it couldn't be more beautiful.

This year has given my faith back to me. it has given the strength to dream and to believe that love and music can fix anything. it has given me so many wonderful memories that will last a lifetime.

I am just so overwhelmed with all of it right now. life couldn't get any better!

Burning holes in the pocket could've never felt better!

 A sense of little pride has brought me here to write about it. 

Off late, I have been buying music from iTunes. Not downloading it although, it's an equally available option. And everytime I buy a track, I tell myself that next time i will rather download it for free. 

But, the feeling of proudly buying it without any piracy involved is so incredible that I feel like I can never go back to downloading. It's as if I've created a guilt and pollution free little library in my iPhone. 

Also, there are emotional reasons to it. As an out and out music lover, I've always felt how these songs have become a part of my existence contributing to it in some or the other way. Hence, purchasing the music legally is a token of appreciation you can offer in return and let them know that you believe in them.  Not that they need all that money but in terms of showing my respect and gratitude towards the artists I believe in. 

In all, it's a great feeling. It really is. :) 

The thing about Fear

Fear is one of the biggest reason responsible for let downs. It just captivates the essence of anything no matter how beautiful, perfect or powerful it may be for that matter. 

And I am struggling, because I fear. 

Fear of losing what I have right now. To me, it seems so perfect that I have started to count on it. And I fear that will it be able to sustain the trust I have put in it. And if it can't will it be the failure of it all? 

What I fear even more is the reasons responsible for giving it up. Will the reason be fear itself or will I be forced to. 

Everywhere I look around, I find fear engulfing me. 

I had always believed that love knows no fear and with fear in your heart you could never love. Yet, I am here today neck deep in fear, and ready to fight the world if need be coz god knows I have never felt anything this real before. 

I guess there it is. My answer. My strength. 

I just need to be patient and do what I have to do. The destiny will unveil at its own right time. 

Fear or no fear, it will be what will have to be. 

The Thing About Arranged Marriages

What is it bout arranged marriages that the mere mention of it stings?! And the further you probe on this, the sting turns into a dramatic churning of emotions deep inside. 

Does it advertise one's failure? The incapability of finding someone on your own that would love you enough to stay with you? Or is it the insecurity of being trapped with someone who has been a complete stranger. Or is it that the word Arranged symbolises and concretes the absence of love?! 

Somehow, for reasons unknown, I have come to fear this. Not for the above mentioned reasons but for the fact that since I have come to understanding things, love has been the most integral part of everything. Of all the decisions I have made, of all the triggered emotions and in a general out look towards day to day life. 

And the concept of arranging something whose true essence is just love and companionship, it is like fighting against my own instincts, my very beliefs. And this makes me highly uncomfortable. 

It's like a constant battle. 

I just hope I win this against me. For if I loose this one,I know for sure, there won't be any zeal to fight any other. 

Note to self

Just need to be patient. Expecting miracles evoke highest anxiety. Yes. I am expecting miracles but its not like m not working for it. Futile or not, efforts I need to make. And need to be patient for its only me who can get me out of this rat hole. For as long as ita my time to serve here, I will have to weather i like it or not. So its for me to remember to keep making efforts and keep calm.

BitterSweet Symphony :)

here i am. once again, after months of highs and lows trying to decode the same old heart and its worries.
this post marks another phase of my life. the road, definitely not less traveled but still unaware of its destination.
music has forever been and forever will be the central and most integral part of my life and probably that explains the sudden and recent changes in my life. the only thing is how to trust your heart and even the stuff you most believe in? what is the evidence that it wont trick you? clearly, none. then why does one still goes spellbound under its influence and the broken heart dares to dream again? it cant be hope. hope has been thrashed and that too, more than once.
it has to be a different connect or a connect at a whole different level.
I just want to put a rest to all the thoughts in my head and hum along this beautiful bitter sweet symphony and then if destiny let it be, make it the most beautiful song of my life :)