tangled state of mind

feels like the sand is slipping out of my hands. I am just still doing nothing and still i feel that I always end up hurting the people I love. I don't understand what they expect of me and why. For how long will they see me for the choices i have made in the past. Why can't they just see me for who I am and why I do certain things. I just want to run and hide in your arms and sleep forever and spare myself all these judgments. sometimes, just surviving becomes such a big deal for me that i just wanna give myself up. I know ill never be good enough. but i just don't want to cause so much hurt.