Thursday, January 20, 2011

just being ME!

okay. the last few days have been, if nothing, different. different in a way i could never imagine.
Yes. i wanted to run away. to a better place. and hoped that it'll fix everything. but now here, i am confused more than ever. and now i guess i want to run from here too.
But, i know it ain't gonna help. it'll come back. everything, if i keep shutting it out. This time I HAVE to follow my instincts. just let go. and go with the flow. guess, its right. you cant have anything if it ain't destined to be yours and before its natural time.
i wanna get back to work. i hope i get to hear from satya paul people. god, thats what i really want.
If anything, all of this has taught me is to be patient. i had become very impulsive and moody and after last night i cant look me in the eye. Thats not the kind of girl my daddy wanted me to be. and i don't wanna hurt him. and the most importantly, i don't wanna become one of them! its not me.
I have to remind myself the woman i wanted to be. The love i wanted to give out to the world. The things i wanted to create. the happiness which i wanted to spread. So many of these things. I wonder whats stopping me to do all that? I guess the anger, the continuous struggle to make things work on the personal front, the hatred. In the process to get somewhere, i have manipulated my self so much that i have forgotten the real me and i tell others that they have changed! Guess my family has noticed that and hence tried to tell me but i always mistook them.
I never got that saying: 'Love yourself' but, i guess that is most important. to remember who you are. to like who you are. to appreciate who you are. to LOVE who you are.
I am so so glad that at least i have come to realize this. of course, things don't change over night. it will take a lot of effort to just being me! but i am sure it will be worth everything. :)

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