Friday, May 11, 2012

The biggest irony of life

once again, i get too lonely. how am i ever suppose to understand my own self. to be distant from everyone is what i want. and when they are all gone, the silence pricks me deep. you know what your heart longs. but also the realization that you will never touch the surface of it, something that is embedded in you. ironical but true.
something that you allow to crawl in to you and seep in deep knowingly that it is just existing in your world and not the universe. and you fight. with your heart and soul, to make your world real and not the universe. before you will ever know, the identity is lost. it is neither your world now nor the universe. you become everyone's enemy and especially of the ones you crave. to cut open your heart to the eye of the stranger is your fearlessness. but what you don't realize is this bravery invites fear of a lifetime. you become the biggest hypocrite you will ever see. you stop residing in your own heart and soul. you are the stranger and you are your own enemy now. the world will continue to move around you but your existence will be seized in that strangeness. all you will feel is the frozen cold, with so much warmth inside you ready to explode but you will still search the source of it. this is the biggest irony.
your wishes and desires are limitless. your thoughts know no boundary. your love deep like an ocean and the craving to serve is abundance. still, you will be the rock that gives no one no happiness or any reason for anything. you will watch the world with your strange and still eyes, till it disappears with the world with in.
you make everyone strong and provide them with the strength they need, but, where will you ever find the strength to confront your own pain? perhaps, never. you will search for the source of it, which was borne into the universe much before your existence. blame it on me and you will, for the warmth that shall never evaporate the frozen. sure, soon enough the chill might frozen the warmth.

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